31 January 2007

Fundamentalist mother’s beliefs lead to son’s suicide

From Talking in Circles:
FSTDS is usually good for a few laughs. I went there expecting to waste some time reading other people’s ignorant comments… and I see this:

“Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he’d been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of “I knew you wouldnt understand! You’re just like everyone else!” before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I’ve dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he’s the one who’s feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its ‘ok’ to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem ‘cool’ and ‘hip’ and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son”

I checked the thread this was posted on, and the son later killed himself.

There are very few things that can bring me to hate someone. I understand that everyone has different world views, and that everything they say and do has a reason behind it. I know no one ever intentionally does something they know is wrong, and that there is motivation for even their most despicable actions. I’m against the death penalty, and I believe in giving people a second chance. I know Betty loved her son, and wanted to help him, in her own way.

I can say, after reading this, that I truly hate Betty, the mother of this child. It doesn’t matter to me how devoutly she believed what she was doing and saying was right; it doesn’t matter how much she loved him; it doesn’t matter how bad she feels now that he’s dead. She was a direct cause of his death, and she could have prevented it with a single apology. She deserved to die more than her son did.

But even more than that, I hate fundamentalist Christianity.

From the subsequent forum threads:
I'm so distraught; I can't stop crying! What did I do wrong? Is my son in Hell now for killing himself??

[Aside from obviously supportive posts — albeit largely biased, that gays are unnatural and evil — here are a couple from the user Aineo:]

Betty, you did nothing wrong. We live in an evil world where evil men could care less about people. All they care about is their personal agendas. Gay activists have disseminated one horrible lie after another to get liberals and cheap grace Christians on their side without giving any thought to who is really being hurt; the children.

We serve an awesome God of love who understands what we go through. We will never fully understand His perfect love this side of heaven. I don't believe a loving God is going to judge and condemn a child to hell because of what evil men have done to corrupt his own self-image.

I fully believe you can take comfort from David's words after his son born of Bathsheba died. "He will not return to me, but I will go to him."

But wasnt it my fault for not accepting him? :(

How did you "not accept" your son? Don't buy into the hateful and totally erroneous propaganda coming from the gay activists who blame Christians for every problem in the gay community and every gay teen suicide. This is simply a fallacious argument designed to make parents of gay teens fearful of what a few gay teens do.

He had been upset with me because I told him that being gay was wrong.

Have you ever told your son that other behavior is wrong? If you can answer yes to this question why didn't he suicide because you told him other behavior is wrong?

You are not responsible for what you son did.

Blame gay activists who lie about the psychological roots of homosexuality in some, blame the homophobic idiots who call themselves pastors and the teachers of God's truth, blame our society that has turned homosexuality into a political football, but you don't have to blame yourself.

My mother blamed herself when her youngest son died of AIDS and I have never understood why.


Geoff said...

Does anybody else thing that Betty's use of 'emoticons' cheapens her guilt over her sons death?

But wasnt it my fault for not accepting him? :(

aaronjasonsilver said...

I know this posting is long but I want the mother who lost her son to read it. Thank you.


The article is one of the most bizarre statements I’ve heard in quite sometime. It’s like
Saying even thought hunger isn’t a disorder, however, eating food is. No wonder so many people stay in the closet including many members of the clergy.

I don’t think there is a gay man in the entire world that not only knows what the “closet” means but haven’t themselves been in it at some point in their lives. The term “Closet” I mean the emotional place that most gay people go within themselves for a variety of reasons. The reasons may be emotional, physical or for professional reasons.

Most often gay people begin hiding in the closet when they are young but yet old enough to understand social norms and expectations for men and woman concerning sexuality and what is considered appropriate and what is not. The need for the closet is because of the intense fear of being ostracized and/or fear of being physically victimized by school mates. There is a staggering number of children and adults that are closeted. There is no age requirement. The closet has no special restrictions or requirements. One doesn’t have to be a certain size, hair color, eye color, height, weight, genital size, skin color, educated or uneducated, rich or poor. Everyone is welcome and everyone uses the closet at times depending on the social environment they find themselves at any given moment. It also depends on what would might be the consequences of they didn’t edit their lives at a particular moment. The one requirement necessary that each member shares is FEAR! Fear is the only requirement because it is essentially the emotion that which drives the countless numbers of people to hide into the closet to begin with. If there were no fear there would be no closet. However no matter how much fear is imposed upon gays, they are not going to go away. Gays have been around since the dawning of humanity and will be here till the end of humanity. The numbers of gay people being born will not likely change but vast numbers of gay will be coming out of the closet as social pressure becomes less intolerant and more accepting as the people that call themselves Christians will eventually open their eyes to the truth and they finally did about a decade ago in regards to Galileo’s claim that the earth was flat and was put to death for such a claim. We now know better but it is too late for Galileo because he was put to death because of his outrageous claims that the earth revolved around the sun rather than the other way around. We the people inhabiting the world at this time will soon know better about gays and how unchristian like it is to call gays sinners when indeed they are not as Galileo was not. It will be common understanding that we all have the same intrinsic value as any other human beings on this planet. I believe Jesus would even be quite delighted to see that we are making progress in how we view others that are different from ourselves.
As many gay people already know, is that it is exhausting and demeaning trying to measure and edit your everyday conversations with people whom you think don’t know the truth of all of who we are.

The many minority ethnic groups in our country at least have their families, friends, and neighborhoods that they can go home to knowing that no one will wish they were Caucasian. Jewish kids have their families to go home to that don’t wish they were Christian. However, gay children go home to families that wish they were straight. That is, if they even know the truth.
I believe once people are educated enough about how damaging the closet can be for a group of fellow human beings, maybe then they will begin to understand how truly isolating, fearful, guilty, and lonely it is for nearly all gay people while hiding. This is the very reason why in many large urban areas there will be a neighborhood with mostly gay people. These areas become their safe havens understandably. What can we do to put an end to the closet? My hope and goal is to help people, gay and straight, to understand how emotionally damaging the closet truly is. Hopefully people will then be more compassionate about the damage that society has caused this group of human beings. They also will hopefully then understand the many self-defeating behaviors that many gay men develop that are consequences of the effects of the closet. Many of these damaging behaviors manifest as much higher incidences of all sorts of addictions and suicides. These behaviors are not genetic but are reactive to the emotional abuses of childhood development.

The closet causes many gays, particularly men to have very low self-esteem which then manifests in a variety of self-defeating and destructive lifestyles that they will carry on into adulthood. I call these “ghost wounds”. Ghost wounds are residual wounds generally done to us throughout our school years by our school mates. Not enough attention is paid to how much bad school experiences can shape our views of ourselves. I

It’s time to feel good about who we are in spite of how others would want us to feel. Thanks you, Aaron www.aaronjasonsilver.com. Fennville, Mi. 49408 269 56 6789, asilver@wmis.net

aaronjasonsilver said...

I have to apologize for the first paragraph. That was meant for a different and ridiculous arguement. You situation is certainly not ridiculous and I in no way wanted for you to misunderstand my motives. Thank you, Aaron jason Silver

Don said...

I agree with Geoff, and I noticed that when I was first reading over the content. On the other hand, I just watched Jesus Camp and I have no clue how ridiculous deranged fundamentalist Christians can be. Contextualising the use of the emoticon may be something we take for granted.

Anonymous said...

Could someone please tell me who this kid was seriously hurting by being gay? Cause I don't think he stabbed anyone or blew himself up like some gods say to do. And if he was hurting anyone can someone please compare it to all the damage religion and religious nuts have done to the world. Religion kills so many people,"you must die in the name of god!" always the same shit. This stupid mother should be shot in the face in the name of god for not accepting he son who god gave her and gave him free will to live his life as he wanted. Do you really think god cares if someone loves someone of the same sex, shouldn't he be worried about keeping the planets in line and doing god stuff? Not sending people to hell for making a life choice that doesn't suit some peoples mind sets. fucking extremists! if there is a hell I hope she burns in it and I hope her sky fairy sends her there in the most painful way his godliness can.