10 March 2006

Further thoughts on the subject of me

Just reading over some MySpace comments, then thinking back to some e-mails I've been sent. It's amazing: I tend to try to be the same in my own eyes — unwavering in my uninhibited interaction with my surroundings — and people's reactions consistently change towards me (with the exception of my roommates, and my wonderful mother). Of course, I can't accurately gauge how I am to others, but only the dynamics by which they react to me:

sometimes you make me so mad... i don't even know what to do with myself... erg

no xoxoxo for you today (and maybe even tomorrow)

you best be thanking your lucky stars i lack the attention span to hold a grudge... that is all i have to say...

I figured out why I was mad at you!! YAY! Finally, after 22 hours, I remembered.

You told me something along the lines of "you'd make a good mother." I, at first thought that you were undermining my intelligence. Then I realized that you have no access to that. But I still love you.

DON JUAN de HELLION... just kidding. Even when you try to be a hellion, you come out like an angel that'd just got it's wings. Stop being so goddamn smart, funny, cute, and witty (in no particular order) and maybe you will become that hellion i was speaking of
And move to Vancouver already!

Two lovely looking ladies, a Glass of wine, a Fantastic looking shirt, picture perfect hair and a smile that screams "You wish you were me".

How does that not sum you up?

millions of people struggle to get that look, and it appears you come by it naturally.

you are but a role model for the future.

Oh, wow.

Last night in Religion, we had a Chaos magician come in to speak to us. He talked a little bit about himself, how he got into it, things like that, but a lot of it was... well, essentailly just rambling. But not because he wasn't saying anything. His thoughts were just... very chaotic, which I suppose is to be expected. A lot of what he said made sense. Quite a bit of it I had thought of myself. Why are we afraid of things, even if we know they can't hurt us? He talked about the occult, and used the analogy of an orgasm. You cannot know what the occult is, truly, unless you have experienced it. You can define it, categorize it, but you cannot know truly what it is. Like an orgasm. Trying to explain the occult to someone not immersed in it, is like trying to explain how an orgasm feels to someone who has not had one. It makes sense to me.

I cannot acurately describe to you how I felt after leaving the lecture hall. I felt like the light had gone one. Like there was finally something that I could delve deeper into, not just for interest's sake, but because it seemed right. Here is what I had been looking for! [cont.]

[~D~] Lucky girl says:
it's prolly not you that changes but the dynamic ...

[~D~] Lucky girl says:
yeh, I think you have a personality that's just more volatile towards the equilibrium of the dynamic

[~D~] Lucky girl says:
altho the inhibition is constant, by its nature it's more likely to cause change in a relationship

[~D~] Lucky girl says:
i find others might step up or down to keep up the image of what they believe to be their constant state, and they cause less waves/changes to the dynamic doing so, while you not so much??

[~D~] Lucky girl says:
i almost want to say it makes you harder to figure out than others b/c you don't know what you're gonna get at any particular moment. You'd think this would make it easier if you're truly seeing what you get, but it's as if people need that buffer of a front, illusion or not, for smoother interaction...otherwise you'll have the other person consistently adjusting THEMselves for the waverings of the other; becomes more natural to branch off when the adjustments aren't two-way

[de] Magneto was right says:

[~D~] Lucky girl says:
hence manners - predictable motions for smoother interactions

[de] Magneto was right says:
yeah it seems as that people are more content to interact with their ideal of what or who someone may be, not with the core of the person; like focusing on a spirit's periphery

[~D~] Lucky girl says:
it's that built-in interaction adjustment i find

[~D~] Lucky girl says:
and interesting how in one relationship you'll be moreso the one causing them or the one making them, but the best of them are when they're better matched

Wow... I appreciate you answer. Not many people would admit to thinking that way- it's refreshing.

Well first of all, i'd like to thank you for sharing this with me. Your emotions, your appreciation of me. I feel the same of you too because we are like family and this email really touched me.

You know after watching you with our students and listening to their feedback about the class that you facilitated for them, I think that you should seriously consider marketing yourself as a designer and marketing advisor to 20-40 years old entrepreneurs and business leaders. You speak very well to that demographic and you ideas, information and drive to express not only yourself but other people's ideas will be very helpful to others (as it has been awesome for [us]). I could see you doing very well with your own design business that is the marketing voice for younger more hip and dynamic business people. It seems like you give a big player voice to a small and sincere speaker through your work.

I will try to find a few more when I get home to post here, too.

I wish I had access to some of the more nasty things people say about me, but those generally seem to stay hidden from me.

Interestingly, I wouldn't mind knowing how others that don't know me personally interpret these things and, in turn, interpret me. It's not any different from the so-called accolade you see for a movie on its poster or box.

How would we get along? I don't know.

No comments: