12 July 2005

Canada’s 2006 postage stamp program

Peggy Cady posted on the GDC listserv today that the Society of Graphic Designers of Canada 1956–2006 commemorative stamp will be released in October, alongside that month's endangered species stamp and Canada Post's 25th anniversary of being a Crown corporation.

Let's take a brief look at what excitement the stamp world holds for us come 2006, according to moi. These stamps aren't exactly favourites, per se, but at least they make sense. The bad ones are just fucking lame. It's no wonder no one attacks us, we are so totally ininspiring and inimportnat that we can justify duck decoy stamps (yes, I'm serious):—


McClelland & Stewart 1906-2006
It's this publishing house's 100th anniversary, they deserve a stamp. Anyone that publishes anything, except religious literature that isn't extrapolated on and published by Oxford should be granted anything they want. More smart, less dumb.

Canadian Labour Congress
Even though I think unions are the equivalents of condoms for shitty dicks, it's their 50th, so give 'em a stamp. I am sure someone in my family, someone somewhere, long dead, was in a union once or something. Though most of my family were poor-ass farmers across the Prairies. I wasn't closely related to the other branch that went on to become judges and RCMP chiefs. Whether that's a blessing or not, I'm not sure.

Canadian Museum of Civilization 1856-2006
"This single domestic-rate commemorative celebrates 150 years of this national treasure's work seeking out, archiving, protecting and exhibiting the artifacts of Canadian history and culture." This is the first I've heard of the Museum. However, this morning was the first I'd heard about two zombie Sarah's. Until today, it had always been only just one. That was what the shovel was for.

Vancouver Aquarium 1956-2006
Honestly, the only reason I put them under the Good List is because they have sea creatures, which I find fascinating and ugly, and because they'd throw a hissy-fit if they didn't get theirs.

Atlas of Canada
I once had this dream when I was in high school that I told Charly about. It had to do with these chemical warfare experiments that the Canadian government was conducting on these people that became like, you guessed it, zombie-vampire like. In the dream I saw them all in a compound surrounded by huge lamps casting light onto them, surrounded by a huge, tall chainlink fence. The compound encompassed an abandoned mining town. As the dream came to, I flew up from my perspective and could look down upon Alberta. The compound was up near Cold Lake, where the largest military base in Western Canada is located. In the atlas Charly and I searched through, we couldn't find the lake I saw in my dream. It wasn't until months later that I came across a different lake, near Cold Lake, but just east enough to be located in Saskatchewan, so it hadn't been apparent on the Alberta map we were perusing. This was where the army was keeping their experimental ghouls.

"The Alpine Club of Canada's first meeting was in March 1906, in Winnipeg. Today, the group is headquartered at the Canmore Summer Mountaineering Camps. A single domestic-rate commemorative pays homage to this group and their contributions to the sport of mountain climbing." Aleister Crowley and Julius Evola were master mountaineers. Climbing mountains is way more manly than baseball.

World Lacrosse Championship
Lacrosse is also more manly than baseball.

Wine and Cheese
This one actually started out on the Retarded List, but I moved it. I love wine. I love cheese. So what?

Screw whatever you're going to say. I saw the ESO and Alberta Ballet put on an okay production of Orff's Carmina Burana, and I may have gone on a date with the opera singer once. I think so, she was like eight years older than I was and I took her to Christy & Shane's place during a party after getting drunk at Savoy. I believe I met her on Nerve.com, actually…

McDonald College
Actually, I don't know where McDonald College is. But it's another anniversary and I'd feel bad denying anyone that.

Stamp Month: Endangered Species
"This rare and precious group of animals includes the Swift Fox, Blue Racer Snake, Tiger Salamander and Newfoundland Marten." Fair enough.

Society of Graphic Designers of Canada 1956-2006
I have to admit that I've come to admire the work that the GDC puts in across the nation and the good they're doing. Plus they're offering Canada something that 99% of the rest of the population can't seem to do: fucking style and finesse (though, some within are still definitely not). Then again, what do I know?


Lunar New Year: Year of the Dog
This one is borderline, but it's lame because of all the cool stuff we could be approaching in Chinese or Korean culture, we choose the most generic, Chinatown rip-off of their culture that we can. Why not just make a stamp of the back of a Chinese restaurant menu. (However, in all fairness, these stamps are probably some of my favourite illustrated designs of the stamps I recall seeing in recent memory.)

Queen Elizabeth
To be completely honest, I try to be a touch polite when I'm being rude. But fuck the Queen. GET HER OFF THE MONEY. GET HER OFF THE POSTAGE. GET HER OFF EVERYTHING.

Winter Olympics
Of course this was a given, but fuck 'em. I can't really compare them to Wal-Mart, but I can compare Wal-Mart to the likeness of becoming the likes of the Olympics when it comes to swallowing crap up. So instead of bombing the Olympics, perhaps terrorists can do us all a favour and start strapping themselves to shopping carts at Wal-Marts à la Atlanta 1996. I also give the GDC full kudos for sending them that fuck-you letter in regards to the logo spec competition. I have no comment to either side of the argument, but the GDC stood its ground.

There is nothing I despise more on the stamps than more plants. I actually wrote a letter to Canada Post's Director of Stamp Products a week ago telling him just how I felt about more flowers on our stamps. You, too, can write them and let them know just how you feel about more flower stamps: Director of Stamp Products, Canada Post Corporation, 2701 Riverside Drive Suite N1070, Ottawa, Ontario K1A 0B1. I was going to suggest they do a commemorative stamp to honour the unfortunate overdose death of Skinny Puppy's Dwayne Goettel here in Edmonton, but that was 1995 so we missed the ten-year mark already.

"Everyone has one! Celebrating the second largest sending occasion each year, a new stamp will be the perfect addition to Canadians' birthday greetings." I wish I could insert a field here on Blogger so everyone could enter their own comment on celebrating celebrations. What a cop-out idea. This sounds like a Hallmark conspiracy.

Art Canada: Dorothy Knowles
I admit, Knowles has some fine paintings. But this falls into the whole gardening theme that seems to be going on at Canada Post. Fuck you. Like Canada needs to perpetuate the stereotype of Molson, landscapes, caribou, beavers, and unbelievably gorgeous women. Yeah, actually I was just checking on that last one to see if you were paying attention. As for Knowles, sorry… I will actually pay Canada Post to put Istvan Kantor or Diana Thorneycroft on a bloody stamp. And for any of you familiar with Kantor, pun only half-intended.

Duck Decoys
"Canada Post will issue four commemorative stamps, each at the domestic rate, to call attention to the art and sport of duck decoys." I don't think I have anything really to say here.

Another given, but it doesn't justify the cop-out. We all know it's Christmas. At least do something creative with it. And if Canada Post is reading this, No, I do not have any suggestions currently. Cut me a cheque and I'll figure something out for you.

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